A Quick Update
I'm climbing out of my hole of homework, school, theatre, stress, and all that good stuff to actually start blogging again.
I wanted to keep blogging even when my life got crazy and hard, but I also wanted to... you know... not fail my classes or have a panic attack due to a blog.
So I didn't.
But now I can officially say that I have finished the hardest semester of college I've had. That sounds super dramatic. I've had 3 semesters of college. This semester probably wasn't the hardest one I'll ever have. But let's not think about it.
I haven't blogged in a long time and I'm not going to lie, I liked it.
I love having a break and just cutting out some of the small things that I did that weren't really necessary and didn't add too much to my life. And for the past two months, that's been my blog.
I'm not saying I don't like blogging or writing these thoughts down, I actually think it's really healthy for me to do. But I also know that I can do healthier activities that don't involve hours of writing and editing.
But I just wanted to give a little update. I usually tackle a big topic or focus on one big thing that's been bothering me, but it's been over a month and I'm rusty.
So I changed my major.
The change isn't big. If you're not in the theatre department, you wouldn't even understand. But I took the emphasis off of performing and just decided to do general theatre. God's been working in me so much and teaching me to follow the peace, and my peace was no longer found in performance.
I don't know what I'm going to do with my degree now, but God does. And that's really all that matters. He has been able to make my entire life a testimony for His goodness and will never leave me alone. Where He calls, He provides.
Another thing that has changed is that I'm focusing more on my mental health.
I've dealt with a lot of problems with it for a while, this blog actually is mostly dedicated to my mental health, but I thought I was done needing help. I thought I had overcome everything and all my struggles were over.
Turns out, I can't actually do everything on my own and sometimes I need a helping hand.
I've always hated counseling because it makes me feel self-conscious. I don't like to present myself as broken, and that's what counseling seems like to me. I am strong and I stand with the Creator of the Universe.
God doesn't make broken things.
But God also gives us ways to better ourselves and resources to continue that betterment.
But I'm learning that it's okay to call people at 1 am and ask them to just be on the phone with you until you go to sleep peacefully. It's okay to text people to pray for you. It's okay to sometimes have to write Bible verses all over your arms so that you won't self harm.
We aren't called to be strong all the time, but we are called to be the best that we can be, and sometimes that requires getting some help and direction.
I've had a lot of tough moments in the past month and a half. I'm not going to lie, but I've also had some great victories and reassurances that I'm a fighter in a war that's already been won, and that's amazing assurance.
So a lot has changed, but in the end, nothing too drastic. I am still the same person I was a few months ago, just a little more grown up and a little more tired.
God has shown me that I'm really not going to get anything done when I stay confined in my comfort zone, so He brought me out of it this semester. And by leaving my comfort zone, I have been able to grow in ways I couldn't imagine and learn how to be the woman God has create me to be.
This season of my life has been hard, but it has also been so worth it.
I'm going to start posting again and actually trying to make sense of this blog. I'm not going to put pressure on myself, but I am going to take the tools and talent which God has given me and use them for His glory.